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29 June 2008 @ 02:15 pm
Fiction: Author Verse 1/2  
Title: A Poem for Dean
Author: wiccaqueen
Pairing: Sam/ Dean
Rating: PG-13
Warning: smoop
Disclaimer: Sam and Dean belong to their respected owners at CW! I'm just borrowing them....

Author Verse 1/2: A Poem for Dean


"You keep my world together"
Those words kept on coming back into Sam's mind, over and over again.
He was walking along a small lake just behind the motel they were staying at. It was a wonderful spring day, warm and sunny. The air was filled with the sent of jasmine and roses and everywhere new life sprung up.
Sam loved exploring nature, seeing the seasons change.

However, since he had been back hunting with his brother, he hadn't had much time just to take off and admire the surroundings. Only very seldom, like now, he could steal away for a few minutes and take a walk, take in all the beauty around him. It made him feel light weighted, to forget all the horrors he had to face day in and day out.

The other thing in his life that kept him from going insane sometimes was his brother Dean.

"You keep my world together", that's what he felt when he thought of Dean. But there was so much more he needed to express.

So he had taken a small notebook and a pen along on his stroll. He couldn't talk to Dean openly. He knew the words would come out wrong, if they would be coming out at all. And he feared Dean's reaction more than anything.

His feelings had developed in an unexpected way.

He had always loved his brother, looked up to him and felt protected by him. But since being back on the road together again, a different kind of closeness had developed. Dad's death just intensified the need to hold on to Dean.


At first Sam didn't realize how dangerous these feelings were, maybe he still didn't. Those final three words hadn't crossed his mind yet, though he felt it in every fibre of his body.

Finding a place to sit just by the shore of the lake, Sam opened up his heart.

All the emotions just seemed to be overthrowing each other. But he wanted to write in a clear and understanding style, nothing too twisted.
Closing his eyes, he listened to the soft music the birds made near by and felt the sun shine on his face.

Then he tried to imagine Dean in front of him. What would he want to say to him?

"And the end of the day there's only you".

Dean was really everything to him now with Dad gone. They were two freaks alone in this battle against all evil. No other friends or loved ones, they only had each other.

But Dean was all Sam needed. Every time he'd feel bad or got scared, his big brother would be there for him. Every time he'd do something wrong, his big brother would stick out for him. And every time he'd feel lost, Dean would save him.

He knew he could never feel this way for anyone else. Dean was special. And although he dreamt of having a normal life someday, he didn't want it if it meant being without Dean.

He could stand sleeping in filthy motel rooms, could stand living in the Impala and even continue hunting, as long as it meant being with Dean.
But since Chicago, he wasn't sure that his brother knew all of this. He had said some stupid things back then, but so much had changed now. He wouldn't go back to college anymore, wouldn't leave Dean. He meant too much to him. That's why he had to let him know how he felt.

Opening his eyes again, he grabbed his pen and began to write down all that he had inside of him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this world so full of evil,
you protect me.
In my heart so full of pain,
you hold me.
In my dreams so full of fear,
you find me.
I fear of drowning in darkness,
you save me.

When we've finished all the fighting,
when we've seen it all through,
the heart is struck by lightning.
At the end of the day there's only you.

You keep my world together,
only you, forever.

Saving me from all bad and evil,
your responsibility.
Falling asleep in your arms, finding
my tranquillity.
All the times you were there,
a certainty.
All the times I held on to you,
a normality.

When we've faced all our fears,
and battled the supernatural anew,
when we've suppressed all the tears,
At the end of the day there's only you.

You keep my world together,
only you, forever.

Looking into your eyes,
you know.
Smiling at your face,
I understand.
Teasing each other,
we laugh.
Finding each other,
we come home.

When we've saved everyone but us,
when we've nearly sacrificed ourselves too,
when there's no more to discuss,
All I want in the end is you.

You keep my world together,
only you, now and forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After it was done, he read through it and smiled to himself. Maybe it was a bit girly, but he didn't care. It came from the depth of his heart.
Now all that was left was to give Dean the poem. But how to do it? A moment of uncertainty washed over him. He would sure as hell begin to laugh and maybe not even read more than the first lines.

He couldn't let that happen.

Folding the poem, he stuck into a small envelope and then decided to add a note. Hopefully Dean would read it first and then be a bit more appreciative.

Finally closing the envelope, he wrote 'Dean' on the back of it and slipped it into his jacket.

After a few more minutes of enjoying the view, Sam returned to the motel.
He put the envelope of Dean's bed and then went to his computer, continuing his normal research.

Ten minutes later Dean came back from grocery shopping. He spotted the envelope immediately and frowned.

"Hey Sammy you've seen this envelope?"

"Yeah," he replied shyly but trying to not seem too nervous.

"Is it from you?"

Sam nodded, looking in Dean's direction.
Obviously Dean didn't know what to make of it.

"Why is there something you can't say to me in person, you have to start writing me letters now?"

"It's not a letter."

"Then what is it?"
Sam got up and went over to Dean.

"Please Dean just read it, but read the note in it at first. It might explain some things."

Dean still looked somewhat amazed, but slowly began to open the envelope.
"Not here, please."

"Then where should I read it?"

"You could go outside, the sun is shinning and there's a beautiful lake nearby. Please Dean, do me this favour."

"I don't know what the hell is going on here, but I can't say no to those puppy eyes. But later on, we talk about it?"

"If you still want to."

Shaking his head, his brother stuck the envelope his jacket pocket and left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once outside he walked a few minutes before reaching the lake Sam had talked about. It really was beautiful, although he would never admit that in front of Sam. He wasn't one to admire nature and get all touchy feely about it.

Finding a spot to sit just under a tree he opened the envelope and found the small note.

His brother has had some weird ideas over the years, but this seemed really kinda strange.

Somewhere inside Dean was worried that this might be a goodbye letter from Sam.

He had mentioned he wanted to leave again, back when they were in Chicago. Sure things had changed since then but he always had known this was not the life Sam wanted to live. He wanted to go back to college and have a normal life. And he deserved it, more than anything.

And although Dean would never say it out loud it hurt him like hell when Sam had told him he wanted to take off again and live his own life.
"You have to let me go", that's what he had said, but how the hell was he supposed to do that?

The love he had felt for his little brother had so increased these last months. Sometimes it scared the shit out of him just how far he would go to protect Sammy.

He loved him, perhaps more than he should, more than he would ever show.
Beginning to read the note, his hands began to shake.

"Dean, I know this may seem weird to you and to be quite honest with you it is a bit weird for me too. But there are some things I want to tell you, I need you to know, but I fear I can never tell you in person. I know how you hate chick-flick moments. So please just read what I have written, if you can, read it through to the end. It explains so much, it means so much. Sam."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After half an hour Dean finally returned to the motel room.
Sam was sitting on his bed, trying to calm his nerves and focus on anything but Dean's reaction.

As he entered the room, he held out the envelope and Sam knew he'd read it.

Holding his breath, he stood up and walked over his brother.
Then all of a sudden Dean began to smile and pulled him closer.
And he knew that everything was okay, everything was just going to be just fine.

Second Part
 
 
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